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09.04.03 - 9:59 p.m. In the last entry I was a bit...stupid. I didn't stay stupid, however. I bucked up, stopped freakin', and got to know Jenna as a person...and it was good. Distrust of people, in general, a rabid social dysfunction, and an overactive projectile brain tends to put a slight spin on reality. Sometimes, it is fun, like when I am making a bad situation into something better. You know, when life gives you onions you make grape juice. However, when you use this power of project reality-warp when you are feeling "less-than," it isn't a swell outcome. Gee. So, in short the last night Jenna was here turned out to be quite pleasant, and I think she will leave here with a good impression of me in the end. It is all about me, me, me. (yes, boys and girls that is sarcasm...sarcasm is fun.) Moving on... I watched Bowling for Columbine, last night. Wow, what a manipulating movie, but it's okay...I was expecting that from good 'ol Moore. Americans, yeah, we are pretty fucked up. If someone actually reads my old rag anymore and if they haven't seen the movie...it's worth seeing. Mr Moore tends to squeeze in side-facts to add weight to his statement, even though there may only be a faint thread connecting the two. However, the power of his perspective is overwhelming, and the statistics he gives about America and it's history of murder by guns is frightening. Why do we shoot each other? I am going with the fear thing, right now. Just think about how many people that are on anti-anxiety or medications for social anxiety. I have a pretty good gut feeling that the numbers are quite lower in other coutries, and it isn't because their 'diseases' are going on 'unnoticed.' Americans, in general, are so afraid. Our media projects images of evil and terror into our homes. Everything is dangerous and our foods are full of various cancer causing agents. It is like we are all babies crawling around in a house of broken glass, exposed electrical wires, spear pits, demon clowns, and barbwire carpeting. The only safe place is our home of many locks. So many people communicate online. It is safer. Easier. Fucked up. I am one of those people. People freak my shit. I need to get that under control. No way am I going to be a victim of lemming disease. So what do you think...I am going to break this little illusion of 'this is my diary...I should make no attempt to talk at the random person who may be reading this.' Why are American scared? Why do we fear each other so much? High School? Bad Parents? Bad Seafood? Okay moving on... I need to finish this...I just want to write in here (in here?) before I forget: Last friday I went to see Margaret Cho. It was fucking hilarious...my face hurt from laughing when it was over. We were able to get really good seats pretty close to the stage, so we were able to see her facial expressions, which to me is one of the funniest things about her. She told this great story about when she was on an all Persimmon diet and two months into it she was driving in her car and she had this sudden urge to shit. She thought, "I'm not going to shit...I'm not going to shit...I don't even have to shit....okay, shit, I have to shit. This is bigger than me...okay...um,...I will just let out the head..." She ended the monologue with the statement,"I knew my dieting days were over when I was sitting in a POOL of my own shit and it was getting cold!" The shitty thing about the show was there were Anti-Pro-Choice picketers outside the auditorium, because the show was sponsored by the Emma Goldman clinic. A clinic that specializes in woman's health and abortion services. When the show was over there was a picture of an aborted fetus on our windshield. It was lying in a pan and its head was crushed and one of its arms was ripped off, and I was thinking..."I didn't ask for this." So, yeah, Pro-Lifers are weird.
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