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10.29.03 - 7:33 p.m. This morning was rough... I told her that I didn't want her putting this address down for her title loan application, because she isn't on the lease and I could get in trouble with our property management folks if the loan people did an address verification. I also told her I wanted 800.00 of her 1,400 debt of past bills/rent paid by December 1st. Dara then surprised me (not really) with, "you need to make a desicion if you want your rent money with the possible chance of getting in trouble with your landlord, or you don't want your money..." and then she said, "I can't believe how you have forgotten your past. If you remember correctly there was a time when you weren't working and you did a lot of drugs. You probably owe me quite a bit of money from the times I helped you out." Ok, so I was a little mad at this point...and well, hurt. It is true what she was saying...there was a time when I didn't work very much and she helped me out, however it was 10 years ago, and I didn't have a seven year old child, and I never lied to her about anything...hell, she was fucked up then, too. Besides, that may justify in her head why she fucked me over, but what about D.? What was her reason for him? Guilty by association? Maybe, she was talking about the time I was at her house from 6 in the morning until 7 in the evening watching her child, so she could take classes towards her Surgical Technologist certification. I remember she did give some money at the end of every month. The point is...I am quite aware of the mistakes I made in the past, but it was the 'past.' I think it was a bit tragic, and cold that she felt a need to throw it in my face that there was a time when she had helped me out. The part that hurts is that she doesn't even notice that most of the time she and Simon have been staying with us, D. and I were the ones who made him supper, we got him to brush his teeth, we read him the stories, we played Bionicles and UNO, we paid her rent, we paid her utilities, we gave her time, we were good friends. But, all of it was because she felt I owed her, that she was entitled, and there was no reason in her reality to say..."thank you." I feel like I have lost a friend to some strange sickness. I honestly feel like the person I used to know is no longer there...that this subtle transformation she has been going through this past year has come to fruition. I honestly believe there are certain points in everyone's lives where a molting occurs. We sort of shed the past, or it fully expresses itself based on how we lived it, or experienced it. Moments in time are simply moments that happen with no affinity to light or dark, but it's how we carry them in our hearts that forms us as human beings. epilogue: I told her she had to move out, as soon as possible. D. said he was proud of me for saying what I needed to say, and I told him it wasn't something I was proud of...I got pissed and told her to move out. It wasn't adult, but it needed to be done. I really don't think it would have 'ended' (it's not over...) any other way despite my approach. In her world everyone else is wrong, and all of her actions are justified.
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