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06.26.04 - 12:25 a.m. Just got home from seeing Farhenheit 9/11. I'm not going to get all 'Liberal,' because to tack a label, and try to catergorize what political group my emotions side with wouldn't truly hit the mark. I always thought the war in Iraq never made sense as it was presented, and I'm not saying the way it is laid out in the movie is the 'truth,' either, but I think it's a hell of a lot closer than what has been shoved down our all-American throats since the war started...or right after 9/11 for that matter. It's not as easy for me to complete my thoughts about the state of the world, because I'm not inside of the minds of the people who are making the desicions that shape how people outside of this country view me as a person. I have no control of my image. I know that what is being presented to the world as to what is in the core of my belief system, is far skewed from that which I truly feel. I don't want to be a sheep in the flock...but I don't want to be the wolf, either...what's left in that metaphor? The sheppherd asleep at his watch? I feel disgusted. I feel like I need a 'silkwood' shower. (see the movie if you don't get it.) I'm sick of the "nature of things," and the greed of powerful men. I'm tired of the way we run things...and too passive to make a change. I'm pissed off at myself, and feel quite fetal inside...as if my soul has balled up and closed it's eyes to dream of something better, waiting to be freed. Not suicide, silly. Defeated. Deflated. Denied. Yes. That is a bit abstract. We need a change. That alone has to be visible to all American (Global?) people...well, except the one's who profit from the current system. I don't see it happening anytime soon...we are so afraid of each other...so afraid of letting anyone in...The "in" isn't even a place we go inside ourselves. We've (I've) closed ourselves off from each other and we've chosen "power" and "things" and the "power to obtain things," over inclusiveness and harmony. Harmony. To our now cynical and witty generations it just sounds corney and unachieveable. It probably is...no shit, it is. What the hell am I talking about? I saw a movie with some facts and opinions about the state of the world. My image of that was of not-so-goodness to begin with, but now I have images to bring up. Pictures of bloodied and burned children, desacated corpses hung on bridges, and exquisitely real tears shed from a Mother who loved her country and lost her son to a war that just didn't make any sense. I know, everything I have said so far is cheesey and melodramatic...I'm gay, I can't help it. However, I'm just as good at the cutting wit and sarcasm, it's just right now, in this moment, that's not where I am. I am tired.
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